Come on, bitch, you can do this.

by novelbynature

I’ve never had the urge to start a blog.  I’ve never even had the urge to read a blog.  While attempting to move past the compulsion to have a solid piece of paper in my hand, and accepting this forum as a true step away from my stubborn habits, I am going to start writing in this blog.  I hope to make a daily effort, but at the very least, weekly.  

A little about myself…I can be cold.  I can be sarcastic, vulgar, and blunt.  It’s odd, because the way I write and the way I think are two very different things.  I’m actually a very warm and open person.  I like to smile at people on the elevator.  Sometimes I’ll ask a stranger about their day.  But the way I write is something in and of itself.  I’m a little stiff.  A little short.  A little stunted in the way I transfer my emotions and perceptions onto a visible screen, viewable by whomever so pleases.  

I don’t express myself.  I often don’t understand my emotions or the emotions of others.  Sometimes I make decisions that I know are morally reprehensible, but not by my standards…by the way I know others will react.  It’s difficult to take this as a guideline when I want to do something that doesn’t feel wrong.

I rarely write for fun, even though writing is what I feel I could be great at.  It’s the one thing I’ve excelled in over the years, from essays to poems to short stories.  The thing is, I work well under assignment.  I admit that writing daily or weekly without prompt or assignment, willy nilly on the internet, is going to be quite a challenge for me.  I plan on ranging my blog from everyday occurrences (only if they are interesting, of course), to social blunders that seem to be on the rise for myself in my particular group of friends, to pieces of prose, whether they be short or long. 

I hope to not write a lot like I’m writing right now.  If there’s no structure to the format I’m writing in, like in this instance, then I will be likely to prattle on about this and that.  I really could talk forever about things.  It’s not a great quality to have.  I need to know how to create a proper beginning, middle, and end in everyday conversation, but then again, I’ve never been a good story teller.  I’m descriptive, objective, and thorough.  It’s great for certain things, but it can be a real bitch for a reader who just wants me to get to the point.  I know this.  I’m working on this.

This blog is an exercise for me.  I would truly love for it to turn into something closer to my heart.  Something I very much care about.  If that happens, I can guarantee something beautiful will happen.  I can only hope that this blog becomes an outlet like I’ve never experienced before.  I’ve never had a diary, or a sole confidante.  I’ve never been an open book.  But that’s what I want.  I want to be an open book.  Maybe if I can achieve that emotionally, I’ll be able to write a book one day.  A novel, a short story, a poem…something that says more about me to the world than I could ever be brave enough to let slip through my lips.

Come on, bitch, you can do this.